When you have anxiety like I do, or have been through several traumatic experiences, it’s a process learning discernment in the Lord and trusting feelings that you may have, and leaning into the truth. I often find myself struggling between what I feel in the flesh, and wondering if maybe it’s the Holy Spirit instead warning me of something. This is why I constantly talk with the Lord, I try to just watch Christian shows, and listen to Christian music because I’ve learned by doing so it helps me to discern the truth without other distractions. Not to say that everyone has to do that, it’s just something personally that helps me focus.
I’ve always felt like my anxiety was a gift from the Lord, because it’s not just a thorn in my side – but has also caused me to lean into God because of it. I’m going to step out on a limb today, and share with you how the Lord talks to me. I’m already self-conscious about this, so please no negative comments. I’m hoping that you will receive it with an open mind, and not judge me too harshly. I’m putting myself out there, and I don’t often do that (but I thought maybe it would help someone). But I do make mistakes, and maybe I’m doing it for all the wrong reasons – who knows. I can’t lean on my own understanding, because I’m a spaz for real.
Where to start…. well Wednesday I started getting the feeling that maybe I needed to get the vaccine. I had been on the fence about it, for various reasons that are not important anymore. I wrestled with the idea for a few days because I didn’t know if it was just fear that was making me have these thoughts. I kept praying about it and seeking God about it. I tried staying off the news, because I didn’t want anything to persuade my decision.
Friday I saw a post from a Facebook friend that was asking her friends list if the increase in news media had persuaded the non-vaccinated to get vaccinated.. and it had me wondering if maybe that’s why it had crossed my mind a few times. I pushed it off, because I hadn’t really paid much attention to the news. I then saw a post from Children’s Mercy about how the children were catching the new variant. Then a shot of worry went to my mind, and I remembered that school was about to start for the girls and I. That is when I knew in my spirit that I needed to get the shot that day, Friday, because I just “knew” that mom needed to take it. Why did I think of that? Then I then remembered earlier that week my mom came home during her lunch break all frantic about people around her were acting sick, and she was worried. I then knew where my anxiety was coming from, and it was the Lord telling me that I needed to get the shot to ease my moms mind, and that it needed to happen for her to take it. The fear that I had about the whole thing was gone, and it was a knowing that I was doing it and there wasn’t any arguing in the matter or talking myself out of it. It just had to happen that day, ASAP.
“These things I have spoken to you so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.””– John 16:33
I wore a shirt that I had got earlier that week in the mail from Lion of Judah Clothing. On the front it says G>^V
I felt like I really wanted to wear this shirt, because I was still having anxiety. My flesh is weak, and sometimes it is the little things (or in my case – big things) that give us courage. “God is GREATER than the highs and the lows. He has a plan for us and is so much bigger than our struggles and trials”
There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.1 John 4:18
My mom also got the shot on Friday. However, despite getting the vaccine I was still having quite a bit of anxiety and was crying about everything…. I mean EVERYTHING! I couldn’t even pin point what was going on, or what the deal was. I just started writing down things that would come up in my mind, sermons that I would run across, or songs that would pop up in my mind in a journal. I’ve found that when I do this, when I look back on it I can see the Lord’s handiwork throughout the week. It’s like an ongoing list of prayers and meditations (sort of) in a weird Elizabeth way. LOL.
PS I wasn’t planning on sharing this – so sorry about the pen colors. LOL
Earlier last week the Lord had me learning about the attributes of God (right after the post about being His beloved), and had me meditating on them. I felt like He was showing me that to receive His love and understand/grow in it, I must first understand Him. The few that stood out to me over and over were that he is Faithful, Good, and Unchanging.
He then was calming my Spirit with songs that would pop up in my head. I was really praying to Him this weekend not understanding why I was just crying for who knows what reason. These were some notes that I jotted down in my journal over the weekend.
For example one of the thoughts was about gifts. I joked with Him in prayer about how His love language must be gifts (because I know that is not mine), because He is always trying to give me gifts when we meet in the Spirit. I usually only see His hands, but He always has something for me, like a scroll or a box with something in it (like the bracelet). I felt like He laughed with me, and I was reminded of how He is a Father and wants to give good gifts to His children. Romans 11:29 and Matthew 7:11.
I also had an object lesson with the kids on Friday about the fruit of the spirit – joy and keeping our eyes on Jesus. 🙂
Monday mom had a small fever (not over 100), and we thought maybe it was because of the shot. We found out later day that someone she was around was positive for COVID. Mom got tested on Tuesday, and she is positive for COVID.
This Psalms 121 was a verse that came to mind, while I waited for moms results. I of-course had to hunt for a song, because that is what I do 🙂
Today is Wednesday, and Allie and I are now wondering if we don’t have COVID. Allie has a sore throat, and we both have small temperatures this morning. The fevers only lasted a few hours, so maybe the house is just hot and it’s just allergies. …. Anyways it doesn’t matter, because I’m pretty sure we are isolated for 14 days.
Who knows if we got the vaccine soon enough…
When I was looking over my notes today, I was looking at the songs I wrote down and made a playlist that I could listen to this week. I noticed the words “dove eyes” and felt like I wanted to search for a song. I found the song down below. 🙂 I LOVE IT! And was a confirmation for me because Jesus has been hearing my prayers, and He answered back! I loved that she hears Jesus sing to her too! 🙂
In the Song of Solomon in the Bible, it talks about your eyes being like doves. It’s talking about how the doves can see only what’s right in front of them. They don’t get distracted because of their lack of peripheral vision.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy my ramblings 🙂 I’m a weirdo I know, and will probably delete this after a few hours, because that’s what I do. Hahaha. I hate sharing…
Please keep us in your prayers this week – I just didn’t want any of my giveaway friends to wonder where I’ve been.
My mind has been very busy 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Playlist of Songs That Came To Mind This Week from my Prayer Notes
The Songs on YouTube: