When Loneliness and Unforgiveness Hold You Captive

Watch the videos with the post, they are part of the post & will help you better understand. I sometimes speak better with music. 🙂

listen to mr probz – waves

So often I struggle with depression because I’m recycling old ways of thinking. My depression is based off of feelings of loneliness; that in turn triggers feelings of self-blame, low self-worth, anxiety, and lower self-esteem.

When I’m feeling depressed I feel separated from God. I’m so lost in my shame and self-hatred that I feel like I’m drowning and drifting out to sea.

The place of my shame can become the place of God’s grace if I let Him in.

listen to nf – can you hold me

Listen to NF – Only

When these issues consume my identity, I no longer know myself. I no longer feel God’s love for me, and I feel distant. I’ve learned that when I feel this way I need to let the world fall away, and press even closer to God. I need to fall in love with God even more.

“Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, …above everything.” Ps.46:10

Only God can fill my emptiness. Nothing in this world can satisfy me like Christ. He is enough. When I surrender to this, I find peace and rest.

listen to riley clemmons – you first


Only those that hunger and thirst can be filled.

watch “the thirst trap” sermon below

God wants to get to the core and essence of who I am, and stabilize my foundation on Him. I am more than my feelings, hang-ups, screw-ups, mistakes, or opinions of myself.

listen to guvna b – nothing but the blood

When I’m lonely, my validation can’t come from other people and things that will not satisfy. I need God, because He will meet ALL my needs. He is found in the flames: the sacrifice of needing him. He felt and carried my shame. He died and suffered because I was trapped and thirsty.

He is madly in love with Me, and I need to Filter my thoughts through that truth!

listen to ashes remain – follow


“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

Suffering has helped me achieve a clearer view of God

While I was writing this post, the Holy Spirit had me re-visit my cousin’s story (I think because it’s close to my heart, and I can look back and remember how He’s been faithful in the past). I searched her name “Gracia Burnham” on Youtube, and came across this testimony. This message about forgiveness was definitely something that I needed to hear. I’ve been struggling to pray for someone here recently.

watched kidnapped with gracia burnham

watch part 2

Gracia has authored two books, In The Presence Of My Enemies, and To Fly Again.

The passage below came from my “Daily Wisdom for Women Devotional“ yesterday – You can buy it on Amazon

Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free, and realizing you were the PRISONER

I think as human beings we have trouble with the idea of forgiving someone who has wronged us. It just doesn’t make sense to us. I know that I have trouble praying for those who have hurt me. But Jesus Christ, the master of forgiveness came to show us a new way, a supernatural way, to live. He changes our hearts and helps us rise above our natural impulses. His will is always best, even when it’s going against the flow.

This devotional reminded me of the first song in this post “Waves, ” and how when I’m depressed I feel separated from God and I feel like I’m drowning amongst the waves. The song “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)” by Hillsong also came to mind when I read this devotional.

listen to Oceans – Hillsong


The only time that I find myself doubting, and lacking faith is when I stop focusing on God, and trusting in Him.

Just like Peter, I’m stepping out into the waters of my life. My trust is in Him, and He is enough. He is ever faithful. I pray that He would keep my eyes above the waves of life, and keep me from doubting just as Peter did (for I surely will) … He will take me deeper than my feet ever could, and my faith is made stronger in His presence!! My soul rests in His embrace for I am His and He is mine.

An honest side note: The paragraph above came from a post I wrote way back in 2015, called “Lay it Down“. It’s what I’ve been struggling with — to pray for him, and ironically enough, it’s when my depression started. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence, and I think it’s related to forgiveness. I pray for help with this, as I’m unable to do it in my own strength.

listen to Hannah Kerr – Split the sea

listen to mercyme – even if

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